My tainted past

People will judge you no matter who you are. People will judge that includes your parents, your sisters, your brothers, your friends, your husband and even your children will judge you. It is somewhat inevitable. 

The sad reality is even your husband judges who you are, not who you became. Coming from someone like him, judging me as if I was the worst woman of my time. My past was complicated, full of shades of gray but I was happy about it. I may regret some of the things that happened but in the end, I was happy of my freedom. That freedom I am longing right now, the freedom I lost since I was married to him. And I regret losing that freedom.

Who was I? I was a lost girl then, I was lost in the big city. Grabbing the freedom I was given. I maybe have a lot of close male friends, but I was not a bitch like everyone thinks I am. I lost my mom, who was my strength and my courage. I fell in love, got hurt and tried my best to stand up again. But the damage was quite big, I needed a lot of time to be fixed and to be healed. I was an alcoholic then, I skip my classes because I was drinking or I am too hungover to even bothered to walk to school. I admit. My grade slips and I was doom to fail. Ateneo was not meant for me. I was not meant for the big city. I maybe flirty, or some say I was a bitch, I don't used to care because I know who I am. That what matters most. So I thought.

Who am I? I am a mother of two, married to some random guy I met at the big city. I worked to sustain   My family needs. I work hard so even my husband who doesn't have a job of his own, can eat and survive everyday. I am not a college graduate, but i pursue so i can provide to my children and to my college graduate husband. I was married, I didn't mind my male friends anymore, out of respect to my husband. But I never thought he was that insensitive, having an affair, taking drugs and everything, and judging me because of who i was before I met him. How someone who is like a leech judge my past and never judges himself at the present. 

I maybe like a bitch, like he says, but I have my own stories and nightmare. They don't really know my story nor they know who I am. They can judge my past the way they want it. I dont owe them any explanation anyway But they cannot judge me now, who I became. But I can judge you because the past doesn't really matter anymore but the present matter most. And you choose to hurt me.

So between you and me, I am the one who has the right to Judge you. I may have the past that you think is tainted, but atleast I don't have a tainted present.